she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
