final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
