I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
