there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
