I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
