I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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