My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
