i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
