do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
