I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That's intense
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
