I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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