the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
3pm strippers are depressing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
