Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
