I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
