god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
