just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
