What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
