She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
