life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
