i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
