Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i out mim tonsoeep
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