We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
