He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
