life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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