i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
