32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
