He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
