She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
