this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
