he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
