I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
