Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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