My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's Friday. Sex?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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