yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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