Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
