i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
