My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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