And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
