Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
