Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
