I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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