five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
