if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found puke in my bra..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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