Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
