If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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