lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
People in love make me want to vomit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
two words: eviction party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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