Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She even gives head with a lisp.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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