our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
