oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
