I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
