just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
