i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
