I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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